I'm not a patient person. Especially when it comes to medical things. When I injured my knee back in October, I expected it to be healed in a week. It took about 10 weeks and 6 of those were rigorous physical therapy. So here we are at day 8 and I am getting impatient. I want to see huge leaps but with extreme pre-mature babies all we can expect is small steps.
Today Logan was off the blood pressure medicine again. The nurse told us that she couldn't hear his heart murmur which was a bit of good news. Leila still had her murmur and they told us that both would get ultrasounds again. In the afternoon we talked to the new doctor for this week. His name is Dr. Blake and I am pretty sure he has been in the neonatal practice for longer than I have been alive. He told us that Logan's ultrasound showed that there was still a small opening in his heart, but that "clinically" his murmur was gone (praise God). He also told us that Leila couldn't receive the heart medicine anymore but that the ultrasound showed a small murmur. Her's went away a day or two ago but came back. Doctor said she wouldn't need surgery yet and that they would monitor her closely to see if it heals itself. The good news is that since both are off the heart meds, they can start getting their breast milk, which by the way, is probably the best medicine they could get right now.
I asked God today why the heart medicine wasn't working for Leila. As I was thinking of what to write, His answer to my heart was that He wanted to show us His power and the miracle He is going to perform. I have been pretty down all day today until I started writing this. I even said some things to God that I shouldn't have. But I am reminded of the Bible verse
Jeremiah 33:3 (NKJV)
Calll to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.
I can't wait to see God work this miracle (there goes my impatience again).
I know there really isn't anything that anyone can say that will make your fears and frustrations ease. I know patience is hard, but as I was reading your words, I couldn't help but think, that even though it doesn't seem like things are moving as fast as you would like. Leila & Logan get to have their Mama's milk, what a giant step for these precious babies. I praise GOD for this day..sending love, hugs & prayers. Nadine
ReplyDeleteI commented several days ago. I had 25 wk twins the end of Feb. They thought our Noah's murmur had closed but when they removed his second ventilator this morning they heard it loud and clear. He starts his third round of the meds. I understand how you feel. There is nothing easy about this and I think as first time parents it must be even harder. I remember how I worried about my first and he was healthy. We will continue to keep you in our prayers. We will also have the thousand or more people that are praying for us keep praying for your little ones also. I have been through a lot of hard things. I lost our last baby just back in August. It seemed so senseless, why do these things happen? I still don't have the answers but what God taught me was to hold on to Him and trust in the truths that I know. God is GOOD ALL the TIME. I am His and He loves me. I am in His hand and only what He allows will affect me. He only allows things to happen that will make me more like Him (if I let them) and that will bring Him glory. I had to decide what that was worth to me. Isn't every hard thing worth is glory and our glorification? Sometimes it's easy to say yes and sometimes it is not. I have learned to do my best not to look around but just look up and keep reminding myself of the truth. Thankfully I don't have to know how to do this or get through everything. We just have to trust God to get us through. He will never leave us or forsake us and there is nothing He can't get us through.
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