DAY - 27 ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

I AM BACK! The new and improved Brian with 50% more acquisition training. Ok, well maybe not too much improved, but certainly less stressed. I was feeling pretty crappy by Monday afternoon and was trying to find the strength to go on. I felt like the week would never end and thoughts were filling my mind that something horrible was going to happen while I was away. I played out every scenario, who to call, if I would return to finish the training. I was starting to despair and felt like maybe I should have rescheduled the training and wait another 8 to 12 months before I could take it.

Then my phone rang... What could be wrong? It's too early in the week...

Turns out that it was my long time friend Chris who now lives in the town where I had to do my training for work. He took care of me this week and helped me make it through the week without going insane. Thanks Chris. God gives us good friends for a reason.
Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV) As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

Ok, enough about my week. Leila and Logan were doing well today. They took Logan off the ventilator and put him on CPAP yesterday afternoon and as of this writing he is still off the ventilator (about 30 hours). Leila is also looking better. Her color is looking much better (more pink and less grey/white-ish). The Nurse also indicated that she could hear some bowel sounds. It's not official, but that would mean that she has intestines and that they might be starting to work. Keep praying that God will continue to heal her. They also took the drain tube out of Leila's side which is a huge step in the right direction.

Absence certainly makes the heart grow fonder. There were only three people I wanted to see today. I'll give you three guesses, but you'll only need one. And the two little ones have grown so much in the past week.

Leila at day 27

Leila at day 1

 Amie's mom made some pretty awesome blankets for them. We put them on top of their incubators until we can actually use them.

Leila's Pink/Brown/Green blanket on top of incubator

Logan's Blue/Brown/Green blanket on top of incubator

Day 26- Photoshoot

There's not a whole lot going on this week so I'll give a quick update and then this post will be a little different...

Logan is still doing just awesome. They have started back his feedings this week which he seems to be tolerating well. He is off his antibiotics and they took him off his ventilator again today. We'll cross our fingers and see how long he lasts. He was doing pretty well when I left him. They had to put a chin strap on him because he was mad and trying to scream and just wouldn't keep his mouth closed. He was letting all his pressure out through his mouth so they put the chin strap on him so he would have to keep that little mouth closed. I also got the results of his latest head ultrasound today and his was looking very good.

                                                                   Like my manly bow?

Little Leila is looking better everyday. The doctor said her job right now is to rest and heal so they are trying to not mess with her very much. Her belly is looking a lot better and the surgeon has been checking in on her every day. They have been able to go down on her ventilator and are weening her off of her pain medication. Her head ultrasound also looked pretty good.

Praising God today for all the small steps forward!

Now for a little fun...Logan has so many cute poses I thought I would show some of them off tonight...

                                                                         Superman

                                    Walk like an Egyptian...(or practicing for kids church songs)

                                                              Who are you looking at?!

                                                 Please close my curtains so I can sleep...

                                                                   Praying for sister

                                                                      and The Thinker

And I can't leave out my beautiful little girl...

                                                            She loves her tummy time.

Sleeping Beauty

                                                            Getting held for the first time

Prayers

I peeked in at Logan today and this is what I saw...I would like to think that even he was praying for his sister.

Miss Leila is looking a lot better. They have started the process of pulling out the tube in her side which they do little by little over a couple of weeks. Her belly is a much better color and the surgeon said he is happy with the drainage from the tube. However, she is definitely not out of the woods yet. They have decided to not do surgery for six weeks to take a look at her intestines. They said they have found that when they go in too soon they find a lot that doesn't look very good but when they give them some time a lot of that heals on its own. They want to give her this time to grow and heal before they go in. So, we have to wait six whole weeks to know just how much of her intestines were affected when she got so sick. I think the hardest part is the waiting and not knowing. All we can do is pray for God to heal our little girl and have the faith that He will. They won't even think about doing the surgery to fix her little heart until after they figure out her intestinal problems. So keep on praying that He will heal her little heart as well.

                 She makes it so hard to leave her because she holds on tight and doesn't like to let go...

Both babies will have head scans once again tomorrow. They will have these once a week for a while. Little Logan started getting milk again yesterday. Also praying that he will tolerate that well. I also got to hold Logan again tonight. The nurse let me hold him for over two hours. He did awesome and I am so thankful for that time with him. They were also finally able to get a PICC line in him today.

                              He gets upset when he's trying to sleep and you let light into his bed.

So don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34) Trying to take things one day at a time and trusting God to show us His grace, mercy, and healing power for our precious little babies. Praising Him for the small steps forward and continuing to pray about all the things that don't look so good right now. In His time His will will be done.

THREE WEEKS OLD

The last three weeks have gone by so fast and yet it also feels like they have lasted a lifetime. If that makes any sense at all...

The doctor came by today with a smile on her face which is always nice to see. She told us that Leila is still a very sick little girl but that she is doing somewhat better. She made the comment that she doesn't feel like she has to come in to check on her every five minutes now and is feeling better about her. They have been able to ween her oxygen down some today. She was pretty active when she was awake which was good to see. She hasn't been her active little self since she got sick over a week ago. She acts like she is starting to feel better which makes Momma feel better too.

She definitely likes her little feet to be tucked in when she sleeps. Tonight she was everywhere. I put my hand in her bed to giver her something to push her feet against and she went right to sleep. I asked the nurse for another blanket so we could get her feet tucked in good and that seemed to do the trick. After her feet were tucked in I sat and held her little precious hand while she slept for about thirty minutes. It was hard to leave that precious little angel because she didn't want to let go.

There's not much to say about little man. He is still doing awesome. They have weened his ventilator back down to the lowest setting so I'm pretty sure they will try him on the CPAP again soon.

They both still have a long way to go so please keep up the prayers. Leila still has possible surgery on her intestines and her heart, they are watching her little head closely, and she is still fighting the infection.

Also pray for Mommy and Daddy this week. It's hard for all of us with Daddy being away...

DAY 21 - SUPERMAN?

Logan already thinks he is a super hero. We walked in this afternoon and he had his arms stretched out like he was flying. I reached my hand in and he held on tight. It was a good day for Logan again. They were weening him off the respirator again. Maybe tomorrow or Monday he will be on CPAP again.

Superman? Not quite there yet little buddy.

Leila was stable again all day, so the doctor wanted Amie to hold her. So this was the first time Amie got to hold her little girl and I think both of them loved it. 

Amie holding Leila for the first time.

The doctor said that Leila's spinal tap cultures were showing some bacteria growth so that means she has another problem to overcome and another week or two of antibiotics. Logan's cultures were borderline so he is going to get antibiotics for an extra week too. The doctor was still concerned about Leila's belly since it didn't change much overnight. And she is going to need surgery to fix her heart murmur since it isn't closing on it's own. So here is what Leila's next two weeks look like:

1) more antibiotics (still not getting mother's milk and immunity)

2) possible surgery on her intestines

3) slow removal of the drain in her side

4) surgery on her heart to fix her murmur

5) recovery

After having a few good days, it's hard to think about the next few weeks. I am weak, tired and fighting off doubt in my heart. Admittedly, I am impatient and feel like I am not worthy of God's blessings. But I will pray anyway because there is nothing else I can do. God please completely heal both of Your babies and help them grow like they are supposed to.  Leila and Logan can't ask You to help them so Amie and I are asking on their behalf.

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11

I leave tomorrow to go to Huntsville for work. So unless everyone wants to read about defense acquisition (and you don't), I'll leave the blog updates to Amie.

DAY 20 - TGIF

Today was a good day. Leila was looking better today. In fact, she was looking good enough that the surgeon decided not to do surgery on her abdomen and to keep letting her get better before they decide if they really need to go back inside. Logan went back on the ventilator last night. But that is ok, because he hung in there and breathed on his own for 12 hours. Wow! Good job little man. The doctor said they would let him stay on the ventilator a couple of days so he can grow some more. Then they will try the CPAP again. 

Since both have had an infection this week and have been on antibiotics, the doctors did a spinal tap in order to test the spinal fluid for bacteria. In a few days the doctors will be able to tell if the spinal fluid was positive for bacteria and if they need more antibiotics. We are praying that the test will be negative so there is less chance for complications.

I didn't take any pictures today, so here are some from earlier this week.

Logan when we got to hold him a couple of days ago

Leila was sticking her tongue out a couple of days ago

Amie found this walking back from the hospital on St. Patrick's Day

DAY 19 - THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE

Remember at the end of the last Star Wars movie (you know, the sixth one) where Luke takes off Darth Vader's helmet and you can see the breathing things that go into his nose? That's what Logan looks like today.

But right now this is good because Logan was doing so well that they took him off the ventilator. That means Logan is now on CPAP and is breathing on his own! Thanks to God for keeping him strong and for giving the doctors the experience and wisdom they need to take care of our babies. Everyone in the NICU fully expected (expects) for Logan to go back on the ventilator. Typically, for babies this small, they get tired after breathing on their own for awhile and need some ventilator help again. As of this writing Logan had been off the ventilator for at least 4 hours and maybe 6 (we left for dinner). Very impressive, son.

Logan with his CPAP which puts oxygen in his nose so he can breathe it in

Leila was looking better today. She looked like some of the swelling in her belly had decreased and the fluid coming out of the drain in her side was less and of a lighter color. This is a good sign and the doctor indicated that tomorrow they might do surgery to inspect her intestine and decide if it needs to be fixed (which they can do right away).

The results of their head scans were ok. They haven't gotten any worse, so hopefully they have peaked and will show improvement at the next head scan next week.

Leila is still on her ventilator, but that's ok because she is overcoming more difficult things right now

I like Star Wars movies, but I believe there is a real and powerful force and his name is Jesus. Jesus told the man with the possessed son, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes." Mark 9:23. Sometimes it's hard to believe, especially when your children are suffering. This is demonstrated by the man's response to Jesus in the next verse "And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help my unbelief." Jesus healed the boy in the next verse.

I believe in Jesus healing power....

COMMERCIAL BREAK (UPDATED)

Today we are going to meet with the doctor again to review results of yesterday's scans and tests. So I took off work again because this would be an important day to be with Amie. Stay tuned for more news on How God Shows His Love. But now, a commercial break.

Ever wonder how to use that talent God gave you? Ever wish you could do something to help? Well, one of our good friends from church decided to do just that. He designed a t-shirt for Leila (ladies style and sizes) and one for Logan (men's style and sizes). I have not seen the shirts, in fact, the picture you see below is the only way I have seen them.

LADIES SHIRT

MEN'S SHIRT

And guess what? Now you too can be stylin' and profilin' with your guardian angel shirt. I know, you are thinking, "Wow, that is incredible. I need one now. How much?" Well,

Not $30, not $20, but $15. That's right $15 will purchase one of these cool shirts. The proceeds will go toward Leila and Logan's medical bills. And I know you are thinking, "Tell me how I can have one of these shirts and join the club of awesomeness." All you have to do is call our church office at 931-455-8879 (Rutledge Falls Baptist Church) and they will get the information for you.  Just ask for information on Logan and Leila's t-shirts. Now we return you to your regularly scheduled program.

In all seriousness, this is a great way to help out (if you so desire) and also to get the word out and let people know you are praying for Logan and Leila. I was absolutely blown away when my pastor told me what one person in the church was doing to support our babies. This has been a huge blessing just hearing about the work God is doing and I look forward to that first Sunday back when we have two healthy babies and the entire church is wearing their guardian angel shirts.

Day 17- A Boring Day

 Today was a boring day. If you've ever had a baby in the NICU or have visited the NICU you know that boring is what you want. When the nurses have a boring day, that's a good thing. Leila had Lori for her nurse again. Lori told me she decided to take on just Leila for the day because she had kept her busy by herself the past couple of days. However, she said today she spent most of her time in the rocking chair. That's a good feeling. When the doctor came by for rounds this morning she was encouraging. All of Leila's blood work, cultures, diapers, oxygen levels, etc. all looked good. She is keeping her blood sugar and blood pressure up which was a concern for a couple of days. They had also slightly been able to reduce her oxygen rate. Miss Leila is still in very critical condition. She still has her heart murmur and intestinal issues. She will have another head scan tomorrow to find out if the blood on her brain is better. Hopefully, we will have many more boring days.

                                                                My beautiful baby girl

Logan is still doing great. They are actually getting him closer and closer every day to completely coming off his ventilator. Today was Brian's first chance to hold him. Let's just say Daddy was a little nervous and stressed with all the attachments but Logan loved it!

~Amie

Day 16- A Bittersweet Day

The upside...
Today was a special day with Logan. He is doing very well right now. All his vitals have been good, he has no more light over his bed because of jaundice, and no more humidity in his bed either. He actually threw a little fit today. It was a bit funny. His heart rate went up and the nurses went to check on him. His face was wrinkled up and his arms and legs were going everywhere. Looking at his little face you could tell he was just throwing a fit and he would be screaming if he could. The nurse let me stick my hands inside his bed to try to soothe him and within just a minute of talking to him and holding his little hand he settled down and his heart rate returned to normal. What a wonderful feeling it is to be able to soothe your baby.

Because he has been doing so well, I got to hold him for the first time tonight. It was a pretty big undertaking for the nurses with all the stuff still connected to him but the nurses didn't seem to mind. They said as long as he is doing well it would be good for one of us to hold him each day for about an hour (or as long as he tolerates it). Tonight, he seemed to love it. He snuggled right in and seemed as content as could be. I can't put into words the emotions I felt today holding my little boy for the first time.

The downside...
It's hard to get so excited because you have one baby doing so well when you have another right beside them that's not doing so well. Little Leila is still struggling to hang in there and is still one very sick little girl. I know some of you have heard what one doctor said but I am not even going to repeat it. We are choosing to listen to the positive people, like Dr. Blake who has been working with little ones for over 30 years, and tonight's nurse, instead of the negative. Dr. Blake told us that she definitely is one sick little girl but that she is a strong little girl and unless she takes a much different turn he sees no reason that she can't pull through. Our nurse told me about another set of twins she took care of and one of them got as sick as little Leila. Today they are three years old and doing just fine.

There are a lot of doctors and nurses taking care of our babies right now and we are very thankful for all that they do. However, we know the Great Physician who is also watching over our little ones. He has performed many miracles and we are praying and waiting for one for our Leila. Please continue to help us lift up our little ones to the Lord.

                                                                      Holding on tight

                         She is going to be a daddy's girl. She already knows and loves her daddy's touch.

-Amie

DAY 15 - TWO WEEKS

We have made it two weeks now. Still seems like an eternity. Leila has had a rough two days. She is ffighting for her life, but the doctor said she was looking a little better today than yesterday. They are keeping a close watch  on her. She needs so many IVs right now that they have just about run out of places to put them. And the one in her right leg is messing up the circulation in her foot so two of her toes have turned black. The doctor said they can't do anything for it right now because they need that IV in her. He said that it looks like her toes should return to normal but sometimes the tips of their toes fall off when this happens. Another thing to add to the list of miracles we need from God.

Logan seems to be doing ok. He has the normal ups and downs with blood oxygen, blood pressure and heart rate expected from a pre-mature baby. Overall he seems to be doing ok and we hope that his numbers will level out so he can start feeding again.

Please pray for them both. And when you pray, think about your own children and if you had to choose between staying alive or losing some part of your toes. Maybe it will change the way you pray.

It's hard to take pictures right now with them so sick. When they start getting better again, then I'll post some more pictures.

DAY 13 - ANOTHER SHIPMENT OF LEMONS

Leila took a nose dive today. Her blood pressure dropped low and she turned really white. The doctors did a scan and found a hole in her intestine. This explains the reason for her digestion not working and the rise in white blood cells. The pediatric surgeon came in to place a tube in her side to drain the fluid off her belly. They said it would be about 1 to 2 weeks before they could check it again. Then we will see if it is healed or needs more surgery.

Logan was still doing ok. By the end of the day, his blood sugar was slightly high and the medical staff took him off the feeding and started him on antibiotics. This is a precautionary measure for him at this point but they don't seem to think he has the same problem.

I'm tired of lemons. At this point we don't have any lemonade. It's like drinking a tall glass of lemon juice. Still waiting on those miracles.

DAY 12 - LEILA KATE

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with the right hand  of my righteousness.

No changes with Logan today. He has had a few good days now. The doctor said Leila had some problems digesting the milk so they stopped her feeding. He also said that her white blood cell count was up a little which means that there is a possibility of infection. They started her on antibiotics again to try to prevent things getting worse. They also took x-rays this afternoon to look at her GI tract and said it looked better than last night, so hopefully something is working. Doctor said they won't start her feeding again for a few days in order to make sure nothing serious is going on. So now we need three miracles for little Leila:

1) Ventricles in brain heal and there is no long term effects
2) Heart murmur is healed and the valve closes properly and stays closed
3) Whatever is causing her to not digest the milk will be healed. 

I'm surprised that I didn't go into panic mode when the doctor told me she had more trouble last night. His words were encouraging though. I asked the doctor how long he has been working with babies. Turns out that my estimate was right and he has been doing this for 32 years. Combined experience of all the doctors on this team keeping our children alive is probably over 100 years of experience (if I had to take a guess). The doctor indicated that so far, the things we have seen are common with children this premature and are not impossible to overcome. All I can do is trust that the doctors will do their very best and that God will do what the doctors can't, so that Amie and I can take home two healthy, normal babies. Jesus said that if we ask, we will receive. If we seek we will find, and if we knock the door will be opened.

Jesus, I am asking that you heal my baby girl, make her strong and keep her body/mind whole.

They got to sleep on their belly some today. The Nurse gave her a little lump under the blanket to help support her. Leila kept pushing herself off it with her right leg.

DAY 11 - WORRY WORT

Today there were more ultrasounds on the little ones heads. Logan's results were positive. Leila's were not. Her ventricles in her brain have not improved. The gray headed doctor showed us the areas of concern and told us that some babies with this problem have long term problems and some don't. Not very re-assuring, but this doctor has been doing this longer than I have been alive. He said that we shouldn't worry right now and that they would keep a close watch on it. The thought of my baby girl having long term problems sends me into a spiral of despair and worry, but what can I do? Nothing but pray and trust that God will hear my prayers (and the prayers of thousands of his people) so that the doctors can help her and that little Leila will be healed with no long term problems. If ever we needed a miracle, it is now.

I recall that Job lost everything except his life and he struggled with it. It took 38 chapters before God answered Job. When God answered Job, He answered him out of the whirlwind and spent 4 chapters showing Job his power. Then Job realized who God was and God restored him.

Job 38:4 Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if you have understanding.

Job 38:6 Who has put wisdom in the inward parts? or who has given understanding to the heart?

Job 40:9 Have you an arm like God? or can you thunder with a voice like him?


Here's the truth about me. I'm struggling right now to see why this is happening. Amie keeps telling me that she is going to be ok. I love that Amie can have faith when I am struggling. I guess that's why God brought us together. With faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. I'm trying to have enough faith. Please God move this mountain.

Leila was sleeping this afternoon. She needs two miracles - one for her little head and one for her little heart.

DAY 10 - PHOTOS!!!

Today was a big day. Both kids got started on milk today. Leila got hers first and it really calmed her down. Usually she is kicking and punching the air. After she got her milk she was as calm as she could be. Even when the nurse came to prick her heal to test her blood, she didn't squirm or fight back. Logan got his too but he wasn't happy when the nurse pricked his heal. He wrinkled his little nose and made a bad face. Leila still had the heart murmur this afternoon. Still praying that God will fix it.

I had to run out for errands today and had a flat tire when I went out. I missed most of the day including hands-on time with Leila so I don't have as many pics of her today. Maybe more tomorrow. Amie got to spend some time with Leila in the morning.

Logan just before we started messing with him today

Started waking up

Amie got to hold little man while they changed his bedding.

The changing of the diaper

The only pic I got of Leila today and it isn't very good. Hopefully we will get some more tomorrow.

I was blown away when we returned from the hospital today. There was a gift and a stack of cards at the front desk. Friends, family, co-workers and even some strangers have been very generous and we are very thankful.

DAY 9- PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

I'm not a patient person. Especially when it comes to medical things. When I injured my knee back in October, I expected it to be healed in a week. It took about 10 weeks and 6 of those were rigorous physical therapy. So here we are at day 8 and I am getting impatient. I want to see huge leaps but with extreme pre-mature babies all we can expect is small steps.

Today Logan was off the blood pressure medicine again. The nurse told us that she couldn't hear his heart murmur which was a bit of good news. Leila still had her murmur and they told us that both would get ultrasounds again. In the afternoon we talked to the new doctor for  this week. His name is Dr. Blake and I am pretty sure he has been in the neonatal practice for longer than I have been alive. He told us that Logan's ultrasound showed that there was still a small opening in his heart, but that "clinically" his murmur was gone (praise God). He also told us that Leila couldn't receive the heart medicine anymore but that the ultrasound showed  a small murmur. Her's went away a day or two ago but came back. Doctor said she wouldn't need surgery yet and that they would monitor her closely to see if it heals itself. The good news is that since both are off the heart meds, they can start getting their breast milk, which by the way, is probably the best medicine they could get right now.

I asked God today why the heart medicine wasn't working for Leila. As I was thinking of what to write, His answer to my heart was that He wanted to show us His power and the miracle He is going to perform. I have been pretty down all day today until I started writing this. I even said some things to God that I shouldn't have. But I am reminded of the Bible verse

Jeremiah 33:3 (NKJV)
Calll to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.

I can't wait to see God work this miracle (there goes my impatience again).

DAY 8 - ONE WEEK LATER

One week old twins today. Thank God that they are still with us. Ten days ago I would not have dreamed that I would be here.

The NICU team attempted to put in PICC lines for both babies today. The PICC line is a better IV that stays in place so that the nurses don't have to keep putting IVs in their hands/feet/heads. The PICC line starts in their arms and goes into one of their main arteries near the heart (as I understand it). The nurse tried to get Logan's PICC line in him today but it didn't take. This is probably because he was still on a very low dose of medicine for blood pressure which tends to constrict the veins. They will try a second time tomorrow. Leila's PICC line went in the first time, so that made me feel better. Every shred of good news boosts my spirit. Both babies were still taking the heart murmur medications. Still waiting for God to take care of that one for us.

I got to take Logan's temperature today and Amie got to change his diaper. I think the thermometer was a bit cold to him because he made a bit of a face. Logan's weight was down to 1#11oz and Leila's was up to 1#11oz. They must be twins or something...

Little man getting his temperature taken.

Some friends from college visited us today and we were glad to have some company. Some friends from church also brought us some stuff to help us out while we are here. We are blessed with many awesome friends. We missed church today to be here with our babies. I miss the church family, Sunday school and especially kids church, but we need to be here with our babies. 

DAY 7 - WAITING FOR MORE MIRACLES, CLAIMING GODS PROMISES

When I was young, I would day dream about what it would be like to travel through time or at the very least slow time down or speed it up at will. I seem to have found the solution to my childhood time travel fantasies. Want to slow time down to a crawl? No problem, just have a double dose of tragedy. Want to speed time up? That's not hard either, just find something you love to do and do it. Unfortunately, the days crawl by for me as I wait for just a shred of good news about my babies.

There has been a little change since day 6. Logan's bruising is starting to fade, so his color looks better and he gained 2 ounces. Leila lost an ounce but her bruises are also starting to fade. The doctor told us today that Leila's heart murmur came back so she is going to start the heart medication again. Now both are on the heart meds again. We are praying every waking moment that the heart medicine will be effective so that they can start feeding Logan and Leila. I feel like things will go better once they start getting nutrients from milk.

We have slowly realized the Leila is a wiggle worm. We learned today that Logan is a slober factory. When he is asleep he likes to blow bubbles with his slobber. He does it so much that the nurses can't keep it siphoned out.

Logan "Bubbles" Binkley

My parents were here today and I was glad to be with them. On our way to lunch we saw a GIANT cockroach in the hospital hall near the cafeteria. We thought it was funny so I decided to take a picture of it. We joked that the cockroach had spent too much time in the radiology department. I don't think we'll be eating in the cafeteria either, but that is ok because there is more than enough food at the RMH and from the care packages.

HULK SMASH!!

This picture doesn't do him justice because of the perspective. I was afraid to get too close. He was about half my finger in length.

DAY 6 - TOO MANY LEMONS MAKES SOUR LEMONADE

Joshua 1:5 There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.


There were no changes overnight. Leila and Logan had their head ultrasound done in the afternoon. The results from head ultrasounds are rate from 1 to 4 where 1 is no problems and 4 is the worst. Logan's results were a 2. We were thankful that there was not much to worry about with him. Leila's results were rated at 3 but the doctor told us that she was just barely a 3. Threes and fours are all lumped together for having the possibility of long term effects. A rating of 2 indicates that there is some blood in the ventricles in the brain but is not necessarily serious. A rating of three means that the blood has gone outside of the ventricles and four means there is serious bleeding in the brain. The doctor reassured us that there are cases where children are rated 4 but never have any long term problems. We are praying that God will heal their little heads and make this go away so they can live normal, healthy lives. The next head ultrasound will be in a week (next Friday).

My mom and dad came to visit today and brought lots of cards and donations. Thanks to all the people who have donated. It is greatly needed and appreciated. The gifts are a great blessing but the only thing that can heal our broken hearts and worried minds is God's healing of our babies.

DAY 5 - LOTS OF OLD FRIENDS, TWO NEW FRIENDS

Sometimes the day just goes better when you have clean underwear. So I made the hour and 15 minute trip back home to get some clothes from the house and take care of some other things. Amie went to see the babies for me and called me throughout the day to keep me informed.
Logan had his heart test which showed the expected. He has the same heart murmur his sister had and he needed to start the medicine. I have a hard time remembering all the technical terms but the important thing is that the medicine is able to keep the blood from going where it doesn't belong. Logans kidneys were doing better today so the Doctor decided to start his medicine. Other than that, the kids had a good day.
I had a long list of things to do while I was at home. I stopped by the church to see Mrs. Sheila (Pastor's wife) because I needed someone to be at my house when the recliner was delivered (the day before the kids were unexpectedly born, Amie and I bought a recliner so we could rock them when they came home). Mrs. Sheila managed to do most of the things on my list and then some while I went into work to tie up some loose ends. Thanks to Bro. Mike and Mrs. Sheila for all the help.

When I returned to Chattanooga, one of Amie's parents friends had brought by a basket of goodies. Thanks to all the family, friends, co-workers and people that we don't even know that have sent us things. We appreciate it very much.

It was late but I wanted to see my kids, so I made the trek over to the NICU. Leila was being roudy and managed to pull one of her IVs out. While the nurse was working on her, she opened her eyes for the first time.

Leila opened her eyes

Logan was tired and was comfy in his bed. The way the towels were wrapped around him made him and the way his feet were hanging over the edge made it look like he was floating down the river in a raft. No other significant changes were noted by the nurses. Both babies have gained about an ounce of weight. Thank God that they are getting stronger everyday.

On the way back to the Ronald McDonald House, we ran into a couple that we had seen in the same room as our babies. They happen to be staying in the RMH in the room next to us and their 24 week baby is crib-mates with ours. I doubt that we met them by accident. We introduced ourselves and got to know them a little as we walked back to RMH. It was pouring rain so once we got outside we lost them. I'm sure we will run into them again.

DAY 4 - GOOD NEWS

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begottenSon, that whoesover believes on him will not perish, but have everlasting life.

Sometimes no news really is good news. Day 4 was mostly uneventful with the exception of the babies' heart valves. When babies are in the womb, the mother helps to pump the blood through their bodies. When new babies are born, their heart has to take over all the work. It turns out that for many new borns, there can be a valve in their heart that doesn't close like it should after birth. The result is a heart murmur which is typically treated with medicine. Since both Leila and Logan had this newborn heart murmur, they both needed the medicine. Leila was started on the medicine on day 4 but Logan couldn't start on it because the Doctor had some concern about his kidneys. Of course all medicine has side effects and the heart medicine can cause kidney problems. Logan didn't have is heart checked until the next day but by then his kidneys were doing better. By the next day they were both on the heart medicine. However, we were told that this is normal for many newborns, even those that are not born pre-mature. All we can do now is wait for the God to fix my babies broken hearts while He picks up the pieces of my and Amie's broken hearts.

God reminded me today that all the pain and grief that I am going through as a Father, He has already been through. The Bible says in John 3:16 that Jesus was God's only son and that He sent Jesus to pay for our sins. Because our sinful bodies naturally sin against God and break his commandments, we must pay the death penalty (which is eternal death and separation from God, not just the physical death). Jesus paid the eternal death penalty for us by coming to Earth, living a perfect life, dying on the cross and raising from the dead the third day. All of the pain a father could possibly experience was experienced by God Almighty the day his Son died on the cross.

But there is good news, Jesus paid our penalty because he loves us so much. And now we don't have to suffer eternal death. The Bible says that anyone who calls on the Lord Jesus will receive the free gift of life. Romans 10:9,10 says, "That if you shall confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and shall believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you shall be saved. For with the heart man believes to righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made to salvation."

Just like Jesus' story is the Good News, I believe that there is good news at the end of Logan and Leila's story. I believe that God is working with the nurses and doctors every step of the way.

DAY 3 - WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU POTASSIUM, MAKE POTASSIUM-ADE?

People tell you to make lemonade when life gives you lemons. But what do you do when life gives you the entire lemon truckload? Logan and Leila both had a rough morning on day 3. Leila's oxygen was up and down all morning. Logan's potassium was too high and he required medicine to bring it down. As we entered the room where our babies are kept with various other pre-mature babies, we notice the sound of alerts and the flash of indicators warning the nurses that something needs to be adjusted. We stood there watching for 20 to 30 minutes, not knowing what to do other than try to stay out of the way. Every chance we got, we talked to them and prayed over them. God is good because by the end of the day, Leila was doing better and Logan's potassium was returning to acceptable levels.

When we returned at the RMH, there was a bag of stuff in our room. Included in this bag were two hand woven blankets for the babies made by a sweet lady at a local church. Her information was attached and I plan to contact her in the future. It is pretty amazing how some people do things like that for people that they will never see or hear from. My list of people I am indebted to continues to grow.

That afternoon we visited our little ones again. This time the nurse indicated that they would need blood transfusions soon. I was ready to donate on the spot, but that wouldn't work because they needed to check my blood type and make sure there weren't any viruses and such. So we signed the paperwork for my babies to receive someone elses donated blood. I'll never know who they are but I am thankful for them. Even if my blood can't be used for my babies, I still wanted to give some to help someone else.

 This is my sweetheart Leila Kate. This picture was taken just a few minutes after she was born.

This is my boy Logan. He looks pretty comfortable.

That night we received a little lemonade, so to speak. Amie spoke to one of our friends from church who has a 5 year old boy named Cole. We work with Cole in kids church and absolutely adore him. He is one of those kids that has more personality than an entire room full of adults. When Cole's mom told him that my wife had her babies early his response was

"They were done baking?"
So Cole wanted to pray for them immediately. "God, since you were ready for them to come out of their oven, please keep them safe. And please give them a cute nurse for when I come to visit the babies."
To which Cole's mom replied, "I don't think they will let you go in to see them."
Cole's plan was foolproof, "I'll just tell them I am a preacher because preacher's can go anywhere. I can't wait until they can come over and spend the night so I can play with them."

DAY 2 - A NEW ADVENTURE EVERYDAY

Luke 12:6-7 6 "Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. 7 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."

Think of all the times you have had a nightmare that you wake up from and think "It was only a dream." When my wife and I woke up on day 2, the harsh truth of reality set in and we realized that it wasn't a dream. I don't remember who it was, but somebody was giving us encouragement that everything was going to be OK and that every day is a new adventure. That was certainy true for this day.

We went to see Logan and Leila first thing. We talked to Nurses Jenna and Nancy and it turns out Jenna was on the transport team and was one of the people who brought them in to see us at the hospital in Winchester. The nurses showed us how to take their temperature then handed me the thermometer. I was about to take my daughters temperature for the first time which consisted of lifting her little arm up and placing the thermometer in her armpit. I was scared to move her because it seemed that I would break her, but it turns out that they are pretty tough little people. After the temperature reading I got to hold my daughters little hand for the first time while my wife held the other hand. I could tell that Leila knew who we were because she grabbed my finger and held on tight. When it was time to go take Logan's temperature I began to pull away but she gripped tighter and wouldn't let go. My wife Amie took Logan's temperature. He was having a rough morning with his blood pressure and we could tell that the slightest touch was uncomfortable to him.

We talked to them and prayed over them before we left to talk to Perl the social worker. Afterwards, we left the hospital and walked across the street to the Ronald McDonald House (RMH). I had no idea that such places existed and praise God for people, companies and groups who donate their time to such places. The RMH is a 3 story building where parents can stay while their children are in the hospital. There are kitchens full of food, places for kids to play, and clean rooms to sleep and shower. Inside there are many places where the inscription "The House that Love Built" is appropriately displayed. Every evening a group of volunteers come to cook dinner for the residents. I was nearly speechless when I saw the care all the volunteers provide to people in need. It's funny, I always thought I would be on the giving end of the charity, not on the receiving end.

The common kitchen in the Ronald McDonald House

After lunch, we went back to see the babies. My mom managed to acquire one of the pre-mature baby diapers. They are tiny. We also got the little ink footprints. Their little feet are about an inch and a half long. Our minds were still in a flurry and we forgot to take the footprints back with us, but remembered to get them later.

 This is one of their diapers. It's too big and the nurses have had to fold them down at the top.

Ladies First. Leila's little footprints. The thing on the left is where she had an IV in her foot.

Logan's footprints. His feet are a little bigger than sister's.

The remainder of the day was filled with phone calls, rest and visiting the babies. Our pastor and his wife came to visit us that evening which really lifted our spirits in spite of being physically exhausted. The pastor told us how many people prayed for us on Sunday and gave us plenty of encouragement. After the pastor left, we went dinner with Amie's parents and went back to the RMH to unpack our car and get settled in.

What an adventure today was. For the past few weeks leading up to this week, I kept telling God that I didn't really understand how to have Faith with these children and asked if that just meant being positive or something more. Day 2 was the day I started learning something about faith. Faith is not something that you can learn from somebody else at church. It is not something that a preacher or Sunday School teacher can teach you. It was even dificult for me to grasp the concept of how to use and apply faith to my own life just by reading the Bible. Faith is an everyday reliance on God to take care of the things you have absolutely no control over. Faith is not just a positive attitude but knowing that the one and true God and Creator of the universe cares so much about Leila and Logan that He is constantly watching over them.