I shouldn't be having this conversation with you. Two weeks of bad results from her head scans. Her regular neurosurgeon was on vacation this week so the neurosurgeon who looked at her head ultrasounds didn't want to rush into things. She will have another ultrasound on Sunday or Monday. At this point, she is close enough to going home that if her ventricles in her brain swell a little more this week then they will most likely put in a shunt (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerebral_shunt) next week. Needless to say, we wish God would heal her. We thought he did two or three weeks ago when everyone prayed and her results looked better.
I just don't understand. Where is God who is the Great Physician? I truly believe 100% that God is able to miraculously heal her in an instant. I also believe that he can choose not to because he is God. That is what scares me. We are not worthy of receiving anything good from God, so I guess if he decides not to heal her brain then we got what we deserved. Please be merciful, God. Church, please plead to God with us, we really are running out of time on this one.
Oh beloved. This is not about getting what you deserve. Mike and I have struggled with this very thing many times. Why didn't He let them be full term? Why did He let our sweet babies be so sick and suffer so? Why does He choose to miraculously choose to heal some of His children but not others? All I know is that everything is about His glory and our good. This doesn't feel good or look good. We can't make sense of it but that doesn't change the fact that in some way this is bringing glory to God and blessing to us. He loves our children more than we do. He loves us more than we can imagine. While we can't see it yet, this in some way is an incredible act of love also. He is doing something. We are still praying for a miracle and that God would give you the strength to walk through whatever he chooses. God is good. He doesn't allow something this big unless he is using it even bigger. Dear God strengthen our faith. Open our eyes to see what you are doing. Comfort our broken hearts over the suffering of our children. Strengthen us to your will and help us to be willing to be pressed down and poured out for you. We seek your tender mercies. Teach us your ways and help us to find and except your will. Holly Spirit intercede on behalf of our groaning and hurts. Lift us up before the throne of God. Lord teach us how to pray. We give you all glory honor and praise.
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